Day 4

of this whole 'taking a break idea'
And its stinging on me so terribly. Almost every second of these days are terrible. I just want a break from living; I want the world to continue without me for just a little while. Long enough for this to be over, is asking too much, I know, but this is so much more painful then anything I was ready for. I have had this aching anxiety of which has been entirely present ever since the second he said those 6 little, i-think-we-need-to-take-a-break, words. Its like my heart is swollen in my chest and is about to burst. My lungs can not seem find enough air to catch a breathe with, my stomach accepts nothing from this outside world and my head is swarming with all these terrible emotions, of which I can not manage by myself at all. I can not keep it together right now. I’m begging for the end of this. I’m begging for him to be done with this break and come back to me. There are so many things in my head that I wish I could revoke. I don’t know how I could treat someone that I love so much, this terribly. But I can change and I will. I will give him all the love in the world, because that is what he disserves. He is purely everything I want. I love him with ever ounce of my being. He is the single thing in my life that shines, he is apart from all the monochrome colors and monotone sounds. And I’m so scared that it’s too late to show him that. I’m so scared that this is the end.