i feel somewhat calm and content

day 1
at least i know its over
cause he told me today.. i guess i called him enough, he finally decided he had to face it.
and theres no chance well get back together apparently.
i fucked things up too much
but im not mad at my self, because even though i did mess things up, it was him he doesnt want to give me a second chance, and its him who doesnt want to see/ talk to me.
ughh. its still alot to think about. and it was making me sick at our winter concert.
but bigger stuff has happened
(or, id say, of about equivalent proportions)
see i was at tin star with some old graduated friends (which it made me feel soooo much better to see Taylor, gave me a large amount of hope for this life) when i got a call from vicky, hysterically crying in all, she said i needed to go see annalisa, that she was scared for her cause she was saying she wanted to die.
so i go over there and we talk and we cry and now she is going to Laurette.
which i know they will help her, i know their wonderful people but i know shes scared.
i love her so much and whatever it is that is tearing at her, i know she can get through cause i know shes a strong solider.
and we, we can do this together
cause we most move on, not because we want to, but because its the only thing left to do
so im half way praying and half way 'sending my thoughts' to the high power of which has to exist.
really, it has to.