what do you say?

i know that pain.
i knew it to this distinctive extreme
before that situation, i had never felt anything of that extreme.
my insides hurt and a sting was rising out of my chest. i couldnt grasp a breathe. my mind was wired and racing. filled with terrible feelings of failure, worthlessness, betrayal and as though everything i believed we felt mutually- was nonexistant.
and so when one of your friends is trying to reach out to you cause their scared, cause their facing these awkward emotions. what do you do?
i dont know what else there is to do. so i sat with her and held her hand and hugged her. kissed her on her forehead. but i dont know. am i missing something? it breaks my heart to see someone in this level of hurt.
all the while im fighting it, to my best ablity, to not calapse into that state. so arnt i just living a lie?
i dont know whats right and whats real anymore. i have a group of people around me, that id like to call friends. i have a family im building a relationship with. but somehow somethings missing. and it has been for a long time.