scrambling

cause of course im into him.
but kissing him was like kissing my bestie. i mean its fun sure, but i didnt feel anything. at all. no spark.
he was really numb from his ex. see, she was a bitch, and he was numb for a long time, and just went for the physical stuff. and him wanting that from me, ok yeah sure i could save that for something later on. (im a horny person, dont hate me)
but now he likes me. as something more, when he didnt want to. and i dont really know how to react.
hes nice, hes funny. an i would be all over his (very nice) body, if i wasnt, ya know, still in love with ethan...
and still.. want to be back with him sometime... which is a path that takes me..? where?

so how far do i let him into my life? i really really dont want to hurt him. not after his last relationship.
idk. maybe im reading into this too much. hopefully he isnt as into me as it seems...

remember how simple things used to be? i could lived in those days forever.
(which makes me think of the pond at the park)
maybe this would be easier if i just came down for 5 seconds. but everytime i do my lungs fill up like the ocean. so we cant do that. we have to stay up in the sky.