january 1.

the stupidest date to be born on.
gah i feel like shit. i hung out with some friends earlier. which was fun, i guess. but altogether a lame as birthday.
i just dont know what im doing here anymore idk what i want. im trying to move on. for that to work i need distractions. lots and lots of distractions. i want to be talking to guys.. meeting people and such. but its suprisingly hard to do. (especially when no one is EVER sober in this god damn town. i mean hey i got my excuses but is this allyou ever do?)
but i just cant be thinking about him. it makes me cry so fast.
Im not calling him. texting. facebook. any of that. that part is neccisary. and calling him would do no good.
I dont know what i need. i think i need to heal but to heal i need to get over him. is that possible?
i have the worst anxiety.
i hate not seeing my friends. i hate that im stuck here at home, sick. it just makes me feel like i dont have any friends. especially today. wow im so lame.
i hate birthdays
they make me feel like i have this terrible expectation from others to be happy.