if the weather perments,

i have a 'date' tomorrow
i mean if that's what it is, im never really sure.
cause im never lucky enough to have things be the way their supposed to be.
ughh
sometimes i think im really getting better-
like im over him, im moving on
which sure.. i am
but its only because i spend a considerable amount of effort blocking out lots and lots of thoughts and lots of lots of memories.
i don't know what i want anymore. i don't know what i feel anymore.
i know if i was to break for a small second. id cry. and all the realizations of how in love with him i am, will flood back.
cause sometimes when im alone, it happens.
and for a second, sometimes i pretend that your still here with me, and i can still smell you.
but its not real.
cause you dont even smell like that anymore.




this weapon is so cuddly and so lovable- its fucking amazing!