SUSPENSE
i could really live without it, i think. at least right now.. im so nervous.. im waiting for him to.. 'reboot' i guess to say. he says hes so used to being so stressed out from beign busy that not beign busy is.. idk
its weird.. but i think hes being honest, and i understand, then.
then well hang out. and well talk... about us, him, me.. i have to tell him about geb.. thatll be fun.. ugh i just hope he understands. i thinkit was just a darker point in my life.
well... this could be it..
i just hope it is.. cause collapsing in your arms.. never sounded more sweeter
dear lordy i need to sop tearing up >.<
wish me luckkkk
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
and sometimes i get nervous, when i see an open door
close your eyes, clear your heart
cut the cord
imagining the possibilities makes my heart race, and i dance around my room and smile to myself so big cause everything in my heart is bouncing around, cause its YOU
and im sure i shouldn't get this excited, but your slurred words sounded alot like "i love you"s and "baby" s
maybe im mistaken, but even so, you talk to me like you used to.
i wanna do the cheesy things we used to,
because hopes of wrestling matches cloud my mind.
i build my hopes on bridges made of dung, but your words so perfect, i just cant help it. im taking the chance.
cut the cord
imagining the possibilities makes my heart race, and i dance around my room and smile to myself so big cause everything in my heart is bouncing around, cause its YOU
and im sure i shouldn't get this excited, but your slurred words sounded alot like "i love you"s and "baby" s
maybe im mistaken, but even so, you talk to me like you used to.
i wanna do the cheesy things we used to,
because hopes of wrestling matches cloud my mind.
i build my hopes on bridges made of dung, but your words so perfect, i just cant help it. im taking the chance.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
goodbyes are just words
and i died a millon times
but umm we talked today and it was good.. right? i mean ok heres the points
he called me baby +2
he said he missed me +3
he told me of the dreams he had of me +3.5
he said he wished i was there, like we said to each other all the time +3.5
and he was comfortable enough to fall back asleep on the phone, and im sure thats not that big of a thing but well ya know how a mind like mine works +1
it silly, im sure.. but i love him more then anything i have ever known.
and although that adds up to 13,
i have 30 negative points agianst me.
so i guess thats why my brain still doesnt believe it. that it could happen or that it is happening..
but umm we talked today and it was good.. right? i mean ok heres the points
he called me baby +2
he said he missed me +3
he told me of the dreams he had of me +3.5
he said he wished i was there, like we said to each other all the time +3.5
and he was comfortable enough to fall back asleep on the phone, and im sure thats not that big of a thing but well ya know how a mind like mine works +1
it silly, im sure.. but i love him more then anything i have ever known.
and although that adds up to 13,
i have 30 negative points agianst me.
so i guess thats why my brain still doesnt believe it. that it could happen or that it is happening..
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
i wish i could express this to you
i don't ever want to go back to how things were.
not the bad, at least.
there were things that i did, ways that i treated you. i don't ever want to do that to you again. i want to be here for you. i want to be the one who makes you happy again.
i have this list in the back of my mind of all these little things i want to do for you, someday...
baby, i love you more then anything.
i just hope i get the chance to prove that to you.
god, hearing your voice, you sounded so unhappy, i couldn't help myself, i cried for you. i want you to be happy... i want to make you happy
i love you..
not the bad, at least.
there were things that i did, ways that i treated you. i don't ever want to do that to you again. i want to be here for you. i want to be the one who makes you happy again.
i have this list in the back of my mind of all these little things i want to do for you, someday...
baby, i love you more then anything.
i just hope i get the chance to prove that to you.
god, hearing your voice, you sounded so unhappy, i couldn't help myself, i cried for you. i want you to be happy... i want to make you happy
i love you..
Monday, February 22, 2010
WAITING GAME
i seem to do it alot.. but you said u'd call me, and that you wanted to...
and i wont lie when i got that text, the mood i was in- launched me through the ceiling. and i started dancing around my room and i couldn't stop smiling
(young, naive, immature.. whatever man, it was HAPPY)
you know that's what you do to me right?
....
i made a mental list of all the things i would do,if given the chance, for you. all the sweet little things i had floating around in my head, from back before we broke up. little explorations and picnics... i really hope they happen. god i just want a chance to make it happen,
i just want a chance to be all i want to be for you.
...i had the worst dream the other night. i still havnt really said anything about them well, i told rob i started having the nightmares agian. gawdd idk.. i never knew them to seem this real.. and they have tried to tap into all my fears and i just cringe. i mean.. ok lets start small.. car accidents. idk why but any mangled metal fucking freaks me the fuck out. ive only seem the products of a few god awful accidents but.. idk. there was a car. er remnants of a car. (you know how sometimes in dreams, things exist, yet thy arnt anywhere, they are in no particular place) well it was simply existing, if you will. and then it started to unravel itself and i could see them, the people, i didnt know them, yet i loved them and the weight on my heart made it sink down too deep. i felt all the worst feelings of anguish over and over agian. the type that seems to steal all of your energy and leave you starved. i could feel all of there physical pain but i couldnt reach them to stop it. for the pain had paralyzed me too. everything moved so slowly.. theyre bodies were bending back to shapes but they wouldnt stop screaming and the blood that covered them never disapears it just sat on them and continued to build. and by the end they were drowned in it. sometimes i see my children (er future children, i guess) being torn to shreds and i dont have these images, i dont even know where the fucking kidney is. i dont have the capacity to think ny of this up. but i see them and i see it all. i just see them being torn apart. from every angle. its in slow motion.. i am aware of everything they are experiencing. all the senses including the extrasensery. yet the most painful is seeing them in it. i woke up to the sound of myself throwing up. AND THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE DUE TO ATONY PARALYSIS. seriously, this defiantly qualities as rem sleep and although i agree with my paralysised body dthat it was a good idea to go to the toliet to throw up, i do not understand how this is possible.
sak;hdakfhdf
okay now im worked up.
and i wont lie when i got that text, the mood i was in- launched me through the ceiling. and i started dancing around my room and i couldn't stop smiling
(young, naive, immature.. whatever man, it was HAPPY)
you know that's what you do to me right?
....
i made a mental list of all the things i would do,if given the chance, for you. all the sweet little things i had floating around in my head, from back before we broke up. little explorations and picnics... i really hope they happen. god i just want a chance to make it happen,
i just want a chance to be all i want to be for you.
...i had the worst dream the other night. i still havnt really said anything about them well, i told rob i started having the nightmares agian. gawdd idk.. i never knew them to seem this real.. and they have tried to tap into all my fears and i just cringe. i mean.. ok lets start small.. car accidents. idk why but any mangled metal fucking freaks me the fuck out. ive only seem the products of a few god awful accidents but.. idk. there was a car. er remnants of a car. (you know how sometimes in dreams, things exist, yet thy arnt anywhere, they are in no particular place) well it was simply existing, if you will. and then it started to unravel itself and i could see them, the people, i didnt know them, yet i loved them and the weight on my heart made it sink down too deep. i felt all the worst feelings of anguish over and over agian. the type that seems to steal all of your energy and leave you starved. i could feel all of there physical pain but i couldnt reach them to stop it. for the pain had paralyzed me too. everything moved so slowly.. theyre bodies were bending back to shapes but they wouldnt stop screaming and the blood that covered them never disapears it just sat on them and continued to build. and by the end they were drowned in it. sometimes i see my children (er future children, i guess) being torn to shreds and i dont have these images, i dont even know where the fucking kidney is. i dont have the capacity to think ny of this up. but i see them and i see it all. i just see them being torn apart. from every angle. its in slow motion.. i am aware of everything they are experiencing. all the senses including the extrasensery. yet the most painful is seeing them in it. i woke up to the sound of myself throwing up. AND THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE DUE TO ATONY PARALYSIS. seriously, this defiantly qualities as rem sleep and although i agree with my paralysised body dthat it was a good idea to go to the toliet to throw up, i do not understand how this is possible.
sak;hdakfhdf
okay now im worked up.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
its funny
cause you said youd be there for me
fkshfhdlhflkshfuosdkahsdoiayrklfhdksfhdkfhdffddssdfgdfgdyf
i didnt believe you though, so i guess its okay. right?
and you must really know how to cut where the wound is, cause you know i wanna be the one you can come to. but all youll tell me is that your not happy. thats ALL youll ever fuckin tell me.
fkshfhdlhflkshfuosdkahsdoiayrklfhdksfhdkfhdffddssdfgdfgdyf
i didnt believe you though, so i guess its okay. right?
and you must really know how to cut where the wound is, cause you know i wanna be the one you can come to. but all youll tell me is that your not happy. thats ALL youll ever fuckin tell me.
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