scaring people into god

so this past weekend was eventful to say the least.
I went, for my first time to a n event called 'nightmare' hosted by Guts church. although I disagree with the method of attempting to scare people into Christ, I did feel it necessary to experience it. If only for the sole purpose of not talking out of my ass, when i discuss it.
Lets give an overall view on my take of it.
I went with ethan, annalisa, and Vicky. We Impatiently waited in line before arriving at the first room which was supposed to be us, dead. and two tour guides that would take us through the following rooms. the next room was an elevator with a guy who i guess was mad at us and wanted to shot us. mean while there were holes in the ground in which we were being poked with sticks through. It actually did make for a scary environment, although i did remain quiet calm, I'd say. not so much for annalisa and vicky. I believe this was the room they started to cry in. so me and ethan while trying to comfort and hold them forced them like chicklets through rooms, the crowd helped too...
oh yeah back to the rooms... umm there was the car accident room which to me didn't make much sense, there was a car smashed into a house however the car was not damaged but all of the kids managed to be covered in blood. next scene was a mall food court shoting, the girls were terrified but i think this one was the least of the terrible. following the food court was a date rape drug incident. this one was the only one that got to me but that is a more personal thing and we wont go into that. I did draw blood from clutching onto ethan though.. quickly followed was the suicide room. no scary stuff in this one, however the acting was wonderful.
then came the swamp room, due to the fact that a lovely lil creeper was playing with my hair and breathing down my back, I'm not sure what was going on in this room, i don't know if words were being said or if there was a point but it lasted for way too long. the only reason i continued let him play with my hair was I knew vicky would be his next target if i pulled away. So, as he smelled my hair, i waited ssssshhed vicky. despite my effort, he did get bored and started to grab at her hood. i did proceed to slap his hand and pull her hood back up over her hair. dear god they ran that swinging bridge out of that room.
the next room was odd. we were in a dark circular cage in which was spinning... pretty sure someone was saying something during this but the chicklets were like bawling at this point. on the way of being forced out by the massive crowd the girls fell and had to scatter back on up. walking into the next room was hardcore though, it was he fight room where they were beating up Jesus but they were playing 'get down with the sickness' and that was pretty cool :)
the last room was the devil room, where the devil said to go on like hell wont happen, it was pretty much a great opening to something else. sadly nothing else happened. we left the room past people who wanted to 'talk' to us about what we thought of it, but the truth is all they want to hear is 'yes i believe in god', 'sure you can pray for me'. althought thats happy, its not real. so us, as athiest teenagers, due to our knowledge of the fact that these people are not open minded to anything else, push past them and get the fuck out of there. its a great thing for people to get together and get scared. but they shouldn't try to say its anything else because the truth is you cant scare people into believing in god, you can only teach people to be scared of hell

I miss our sing alongs

...We got by though we never needed much,
a sliver of hope, no diamond rings.
we got high, it was heaven, it was hell.
flying over them with broken wings.....

We used to be friends

But you've changed so much.
And I refuse to let people that I identify as friends, treat me this way now (being a change). So I'll deal with you, cause I know I'm around you a lot. and I'll be nice to you, cause its hard to be mean. but I'm not going to try to make this work anymore. So yeah, we went through alot together. But its the old you I liked. The one who I played pen pall with, the one that I had water fights with during preband. I don't have any obligation to this new, self obsorbed, you. You've always been one to not open up. So I know your guarding your heart, but I am too, in that, I can't let you push this process of my own self distruction.

hey guess what?

i get to see ethan tonight :) I havn't see him in 3 weeks :/

and theres this feeling, i happen to love it, it happend everytime hes driving into t-town. im likea lil fucking puppy. my tails wagging and im putting on your favorite shirt. my tongue is slobbery and i wanna kiss you >.> heheheeeee


(you dont know what this boy means to me)

banksy?!?

Banksy is an English graffiti artist of which you should get to know.
He is known through out the world for his amazing street artwork. he started his career as a Bristol's DryBreadZ Crew member, working freehand in the underground Bristol scene. Over time he switched to the use of stencils due to the lesser amount of time to complete the piece, and I believe this is when he started working more individually.he is known for his flower chucking piece and depicting rats. his artwork is often humorous with a strong message. His work is anti-Establishment, anti-war, and offensive. I love it.

Some people become cops because they want to make the world a better place. Some people become vandals because they want to make the world a better looking place.

-bansy

lets kick it off <3

so last night was great.
But, inevitably, it got me thinking, how much I'm going to miss the graduating seniors this year. So last year was awful, with my boyfriend brother and taylor and well it goes on*, but losing the seniors this year? its hard to take.
we were chillin in the hot tub playing truth or dare. (mostly dare) deffinantly repeatable by the way. and the crazyness and comfort Ive found in these amazing people....
WHAT THE FUCK?
how am i supposed to do this without them?... And i know ill feel this hard-gulp thought again and again this year ( i did last year). so I'm thankful that I'm realizing this early enough in the year, before the marching season has kicked up, and before time has gotten so far away from me. cause i want this time to stand still if it could. for me. please? I'm glad I'm realizing this now, to make do of the time i have... to do all the things we shouldn't :)
aka.... spare the lecture lets DO this shit XD

*..(leigh, molly, stephanie, bobby, tamara meredith and ill shut up)

its as though your trying to arrive at death safely...

Im hope sick today. I have possibly been attacked by the swine. which is kinda ironic based on my insistace that the swine was no big deal. Im probably going to die, due to the fact that i never knocked on wood. anyways i cant find my environmental science text book making it difficult to do my study guide.
lets talk about my parents. I'll introduce you to both of them, for starters, but understand theirs a larger concept. my father, we dont get along exactly. I wouldnt say that we fight, cause we dont, we just dont speak to each other unless we are required to. due to this, we have dont have relationship.
My mother. She is the most controlling and unhappy person i have ever meet. lucky me, to have her as a mother. due to her controlling nature, we have arrived at a relationship, not based on love or understanding but on her constant insistance to have control over any situation. Now, let me explain to you how this can make a person so terribly unhappy. Imagine planning a party, spending a large amount of time and money. then when this event arrives, instead of enjoying it, your trying are still trying make it perfect for everyone else. your not part of it. Your simply standing by taking pictures and making sure everyone else is content. now in the midst of it someone wants celebrate in a way that wasnt on your schedule. Because of the unpredictable aspects of this party or of life, in general, she becomes upset. considering that life itself is unpredictable, you can imagine how unhappy of a person she is.

And the thing is I'm not like this at all, theres a part of the world that i want to see someday, i dont want to try to live safely, cause life isnt safe. life is risky in itself. why try to run from the inevitable? Why not embrace it? i ask you this because i truely believe that the day you decide to live safely is the very day your heart, and passion dies. Seeing this in own parents hurts. When thier so scared to live... when they watch their lives away on TV. (dear god i hate TV and the distruction of creativity it brings) and their content to spend their nights at home. sitting. and being babysat by this little black screen.
I am so scared of becoming this way.