We used to be friends

But you've changed so much.
And I refuse to let people that I identify as friends, treat me this way now (being a change). So I'll deal with you, cause I know I'm around you a lot. and I'll be nice to you, cause its hard to be mean. but I'm not going to try to make this work anymore. So yeah, we went through alot together. But its the old you I liked. The one who I played pen pall with, the one that I had water fights with during preband. I don't have any obligation to this new, self obsorbed, you. You've always been one to not open up. So I know your guarding your heart, but I am too, in that, I can't let you push this process of my own self distruction.

hey guess what?

i get to see ethan tonight :) I havn't see him in 3 weeks :/

and theres this feeling, i happen to love it, it happend everytime hes driving into t-town. im likea lil fucking puppy. my tails wagging and im putting on your favorite shirt. my tongue is slobbery and i wanna kiss you >.> heheheeeee


(you dont know what this boy means to me)

banksy?!?

Banksy is an English graffiti artist of which you should get to know.
He is known through out the world for his amazing street artwork. he started his career as a Bristol's DryBreadZ Crew member, working freehand in the underground Bristol scene. Over time he switched to the use of stencils due to the lesser amount of time to complete the piece, and I believe this is when he started working more individually.he is known for his flower chucking piece and depicting rats. his artwork is often humorous with a strong message. His work is anti-Establishment, anti-war, and offensive. I love it.

Some people become cops because they want to make the world a better place. Some people become vandals because they want to make the world a better looking place.

-bansy

lets kick it off <3

so last night was great.
But, inevitably, it got me thinking, how much I'm going to miss the graduating seniors this year. So last year was awful, with my boyfriend brother and taylor and well it goes on*, but losing the seniors this year? its hard to take.
we were chillin in the hot tub playing truth or dare. (mostly dare) deffinantly repeatable by the way. and the crazyness and comfort Ive found in these amazing people....
WHAT THE FUCK?
how am i supposed to do this without them?... And i know ill feel this hard-gulp thought again and again this year ( i did last year). so I'm thankful that I'm realizing this early enough in the year, before the marching season has kicked up, and before time has gotten so far away from me. cause i want this time to stand still if it could. for me. please? I'm glad I'm realizing this now, to make do of the time i have... to do all the things we shouldn't :)
aka.... spare the lecture lets DO this shit XD

*..(leigh, molly, stephanie, bobby, tamara meredith and ill shut up)

its as though your trying to arrive at death safely...

Im hope sick today. I have possibly been attacked by the swine. which is kinda ironic based on my insistace that the swine was no big deal. Im probably going to die, due to the fact that i never knocked on wood. anyways i cant find my environmental science text book making it difficult to do my study guide.
lets talk about my parents. I'll introduce you to both of them, for starters, but understand theirs a larger concept. my father, we dont get along exactly. I wouldnt say that we fight, cause we dont, we just dont speak to each other unless we are required to. due to this, we have dont have relationship.
My mother. She is the most controlling and unhappy person i have ever meet. lucky me, to have her as a mother. due to her controlling nature, we have arrived at a relationship, not based on love or understanding but on her constant insistance to have control over any situation. Now, let me explain to you how this can make a person so terribly unhappy. Imagine planning a party, spending a large amount of time and money. then when this event arrives, instead of enjoying it, your trying are still trying make it perfect for everyone else. your not part of it. Your simply standing by taking pictures and making sure everyone else is content. now in the midst of it someone wants celebrate in a way that wasnt on your schedule. Because of the unpredictable aspects of this party or of life, in general, she becomes upset. considering that life itself is unpredictable, you can imagine how unhappy of a person she is.

And the thing is I'm not like this at all, theres a part of the world that i want to see someday, i dont want to try to live safely, cause life isnt safe. life is risky in itself. why try to run from the inevitable? Why not embrace it? i ask you this because i truely believe that the day you decide to live safely is the very day your heart, and passion dies. Seeing this in own parents hurts. When thier so scared to live... when they watch their lives away on TV. (dear god i hate TV and the distruction of creativity it brings) and their content to spend their nights at home. sitting. and being babysat by this little black screen.
I am so scared of becoming this way.

classroom rainbows and bitches

ive been busy so i havnt writin a lovely little blog in a while but schools started so you really cant blame me. in the world of blogging, on of my ex best friends has decided to quietly, secretly and slowly disband me from allowing one of his friends to become friends with me. a friendship I believed i needed to servive an AP environmental science class. not that it should be hard but, well the reasons are truely numerous. I am, however really enjoying my economics class, my teacher, Sloan, happends to be incredibly smart, and entertaining which means not only do i not fall asleep but i actually learn something. we talk alot. which is good. my english class is great. me cameron and sabi just sit and talk the whole time. my teacher lost every bit of control within the first few minutes of class. oh and i think i might be Bi.
I'm just pretty sure i am, but maybe im just what they refer to as 'curious'. u see in this wonderful english class we were talking and I believe it was Sabi who misunderstud my words and was li ke 'wait... ur bisexual?' really loud and everyone turns around in this crazy random shock, just to chatch a glimps of a bi sexual teenager.. im sitting there wondering, how do i answer this? cause i dont know really. Im a terribly honest person. I really believe that is a flaw too. Anywho, i guess somewhere between the answer being asked and everyone looking at me like wide eyed elf monkeys I figured it was a posiblity and excepted it quickly.
My ex, from forever ago joined a facebook group, "Gays are gross" when i saw that, i cringed. i cant explain the violent urge i had to lecture each of these fellow classmates of mine, individually for a very large time. urgh i dont understand hyprocritical christians :P you see, christians as i understand are supposed to love each other, love doesnt seem to pour from the descriptive adjective, Gross...........meh.
~oh jeeze fuck my life
yours truely>
kelsey

So He told me i should start a blog

And i have. Many times, really. its just i forget the password or i get bored of it. But you see this time is different. Cause im going to keep it up.
I want to be a political journalist. But i also want to be a artist. or a photographer. or a psychologist or a small business owner. so you see what type of perspective im at right now...
But i guess this blog is kinda to help me get used to writing. i love writing. i started a notebook in 5th grade, now that Im in a Junior in high school, i think its a good thing that i did. you see it has alot of things in it. everything that a fucked up teenage life should have in it. and its almost like reading a work of fiction cause you take this innocent little 8th grade girl, who likes the same boy all year, and then you give her a guy who she'll fall in love with and you see her get ripped up over the course of a year. And you see what horrible thoughts she thinks. and what she does to herself. so you give her cigarettes and then you see her introduced to sexuality. in all aspects. So you add a year. You teach her about friends and you give her a group of 150 kids who are weird and exciting and who she loves. and you giving her a lasting relationship. with a guy. Who lets her open up about things she didnt want to. And like all good relationships, it goes bad. and thats it. you cant be friends. So you hurry into another relationship, which is. oddly, a good thing. But you have to teach her what death really is. so her friends dad kills himself. and her ex's mom dies from heart disease. and a friend shoots and kills someone. so now its time for her to discover drugs. nothing major, because shes happy agian. Just something fun. And you let her have sex for the first time. and experience the question of pregnancy. and learn how to sneak around.
sorry. that was unnescisary wasnt it? but iguess its just alot has happened. i dont think thats what this blog will be about. but who knows.